To Find Beauty In Every Thing

   I eat mounds of food-I crave for greasy food, peppery ones either African salad, or roasted yam drenched in hot sauce, sometimes, it is chocolates I crave for or other days I have no appetite at all.

 It is always crazy , sometimes when it begins, it begins with a pimple.  Or it begins with a heaviness , I feel bloated at the face and my breasts become bigger, and I feel the urge to be naked all day or just wear loose-fitting clothes, no underwear too.  My stomach cramps come in spasms so painful I either cry out or roll up in pain like a balled up paper. I lost interest in things I care about. One minute, I'm a black angry woman yelling at everyone even cockroaches, the next minute, I'm  laughing at nothing in particular, like onye ara, or maybe crying like a little girl who wants candy, it is like playing characters in a bad movie. 

   I find talking with friends unbearable, my family become annoying , crushes seem horribly irritating. I love to lay down and  stare up ,  looking at nothing.  Coldness shrouds me, sometimes, on those days,  and I feel like  cuddling, I hold my pillow.  I wear my socks and snuggle up between blankets. 

   Those days, it feels easy to find beauty in every thing, in hot tea and teabags, teacups with flowers at the edges. In old books with crinkled pages, hidden away in the old cupboard.  Cotton sweaters, the colored ones, that itch your skin, the way wet socks do.   

  When those days are cold, I fold myself up,  and imagine dragons, and see things made up of gold.  In my eyes, you will see where my demons hide, they enrage in my head, if you get too close you will see them. My eyes usually bright, becomes dark. 

  'Have you taken drugs for it", They usually ask me, and I always nod no. 

  I don't do drugs for menstrual cramps which are hardly not advisable rather I find beauty in every thing.  I lay on my back,  something warm on my belly, take long walks, do random exercises, and find beauty in every thing to calm my spirits.  I love days it is easy to find beauty in every thing.