THERE IS NO SHAME ABOUT SEX

                    'There is no shame about sex'

 We hide under the cover of religion not to talk about sex or the excuse of a child of 8, 13 ,16 being too young to learn about sex or know the various sex organs.

 In a stereotypically Nigerian society, I grow up to be ashamed of being female. 'Close your legs.'  'Don't let a boy touch you if don't want to get pregnant' 'Don't wear short skirts so the boys would not see your underpants'. I was taught to be ashamed of sex, talking about it and actually having it. Sex isn't the kind of topic that pops in our every day conversations. Just to say the word 'sex' made you unholy and uncultured. Especially as a woman, you were called 'loose'.

   When I had started my puberty, I was given little or no knowledge about sex. I was taught to be ashamed. I was messed up thinking just by a boy touching you, you got pregnant. I started to read at a very young age, from books to newspapers, romance novels to journals and magazines. Stories about sex were told in them. I became smarter about sex. I adopted key words like sexually transmitted disease and 'condom', words like submissive and dominant', came later as I explored deeper. And new to my list would be 'feminist porn'.

As I explored deeper, sex wasn't a bad thing after all the way our parents had taught us to hate sex. It was art and a matter of choice and consensual agreement. Then I came to ponder why sex was an abomination in Africa. Why were girls asked to be virgins more than we ask boys to be?
 At fifteen and sixteen years, and girls who got pregnant I blamed them for their stupidity. Later, as the years went by, our parents were to blamed.

  Curiosity is inevitable when it comes to sex, youths want to explore out of being curious. But then again, sex in our African culture is something we are silent about. Why can't we be loud? Maybe we can end early adolescent aids. It would never erase the youth not having sex. Could reduce the rate of the youth who are willing to do it or are sexually active. It would change the perception girls have about sex, sex as something they give to a man to feel loved not what she decides she wants.

 Communication is the key, talking about it. To be able to breathe the word 'sex' with no condemnation or glaring eyes of people judging. Not to say it in undertones but in clear, vibrant voices. To learn not to teach that sex is a thing of abomination unless you are married.

'There is no shame about sex. We should be unashamed of sex  then we solve this problem of the young trying to explore it.'
     _Rejoice Obike.