Learning to Love

   You have learnt to love, you have to learn, how to stop squeezing the fat between your thighs with your scrunched up nose, you just have to squeeze into your jeans. You are trying so hard to convince yourself that your jeans still fit, but they don't. You are learning to love. 

 You have learnt to love, you have to learn to wake up to the frigging coffee, to twist and turn, to see the other side of the bed is still empty, when you wake, for days have gone when he left. You are trying so hard to convince yourself that he might walk in on one of such morning, take you in his arms, your legs barely off the ground, while he kissed your forehead. You are learning to love. 

  You have learnt to love, you have to learn, how it is so frustrating to actually wake up to no breakfast almost all mornings, it drives you insane, the bills and bills that you keep piled up close to your oversized mug on the kitchen counter. You are trying so hard to convince yourself that you are strong, but you are not, and you learn to cry, in the middle of night, you hold your sheets in a tight grip, and it's okay. You are learning to love. 

 You have learnt to love, you have to learn, to call yourself beautiful while standing on your tiptoes, and looking into the mirror, even if you might be the girls with unmatched underwear and unpolished nails. You are trying so hard to convince yourself that you are gorgeous every morning, the frustration pierce in your eyes on those mornings as you try to rub a lipstick across your lips, even as you want to conform to beauty standards, it gets harder. You are learning to love. 

You have learnt to love, you have to learn, and you are learning to love.